Funny Status, Short Funny Quotes

  • Last seen 1980! 😀
  • God is really creative, I mean.. just look at me! 🙂
  • I hate fake people. You know what I’m talking about. Mannequins. 😀
  • I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
  • I love my job only when I’m on vacation…..
  • Never make eye contact while eating a banana.
  • Life is Short – Chat Fast!
  • If life gives you lemons, just add vodka.
  • How can i miss something i never had?
  • Hey there whatsapp is using me.
  • Girls use photoshop to look beautiful.. Boys use photoshop to show their creativity.
  • Fact: Phone on silent mode- 10 Missed call… Turns volume to loud- Nobody calls all day!!
  • Girls, if he only wants your breasts, legs, and thighs. send him to KFC.
  • You can never buy Love….But still you have to pay for it ..
  • If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. I’ll tell you more.

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  • Did anyone else notice the sound if you click the like button on my status?
  • I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me!
  • A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
  • My biggest concern in life is actually how my online friends can be informed of my death..!!
  • When I’m a Pedestrian I Hate cars.. When I’m Driving I Hate Pedestrians…
  • Whoever says “Good Morning” on Monday’s deserves to get slapped 🙂
  • Mosquitos are like family. Annoying but they carry your blood.
  • Who needs television when there is so much drama on Facebook.
  • Everything funnier when your supposed to be quiet..
  • I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes!!
  • Save water drink beer.
  • 6 Peg Loading .. 😀
  • Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software…it’s called #Monday, please fix it
  • Always wear cute pajamas to bed you’ll never know who you will meet in your dreams.
  • God is really creative , i mean ..just look at me 😛
  • Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.
  • When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…

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  • I wake up when I cant hold my pee in any longer.
  • My father always told me, ‘Find a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.
  • Life is too short smile while you still have teeth…
  • My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.
  • If College has taught us anything, it’s texting without looking 🙂
  • I’m Jealous Of My Parents… I’ll Never Have A Kid As Cool As Theirs!
  • Here my dad comes on whatsapp… From now on my status would be ‘***no status***’ or just a smiley…
  • Don’t kiss behind the garden, Love is blind but the neighbors are not.
  • I Like to study.. Arithmetic – NO … world history – NO …. chemistry – NO …. GIRLS – YES!!!
  • Friends are forever, until they get in a relationship!! 😛
  • People call me mike .. You can call me tonight.. :p
  • In Modern Politics, Even The Leader Of The Free World Needs Help From The Sultan Of Facebookistan!!!
  • C.L.A.S.S- come late and start sleeping 🙂
  • Faces YOU Make ON The Toilet lol (o_o) (>_<) (0_0) (^_^)
  • Everything is 10x funnier when you are not supposed to laugh.
  • People who exercise live longer, but what’s the point when those extra years are spent at gym.
  • Relationship Status: Looking for a WiFi connection.
  • It may look like I’m deep in thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food to eat later.
  • Checking your symptoms on Google and accepting that fact that you’re going to die.
  • When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
  • Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?
  • Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.
  • We are WTF generation …. WhatsApp, Twitter and Facebook 😀
  • Having a best friend with the same mental disorder is a blessing. LOL
  • It’s been 70+ years, Tom. You’re never going to eat Jerry 🙂
  • I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone. 🙂
  • There’s like 7 billion people in this world and no one wants to date me. I hate this world … huh
  • Dear Lord, all I ask for a chance to prove that winning the lottery won’t make a bad person.
  • I don’t usually sleep enough, but when I do, it’s still not enough 😉
  • My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. lolz
  • The only thing I gained so far in THIS YEAR is weight 🙂
  • I am not addicted to WHATS APP. I only use it when I have time ……. lunch time, break time, bed time, this time, that time, any time, all the time. 🙂
  • Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.
  • The most powerful words other than I LOVE YOU is “Salary is Credited” 🙂
  • Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops loading.
  • Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.
  • Flirtationship: More than a friendship and less than a relationship.
  • Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
  • In bed, it’s 6AM you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 7:45. At school it’s 1:30, close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 1:31
  • I wonder what happens when doctor’s wife eats an apple a day. 🙂
  • GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
  • I only need 3 things in life: Food, Wifi, Sleep 🙂
  • Boys, if you don’t look like calvin klein models, don’t expect us to look like victoria secrets angels. (From All Bachelor Girls Association) 🙂
  • I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
  • TODAY has been cencelled. Go back to BED 🙂
  • I’ve had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. 🙂
  • Some people should have multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.
  • At least mosquito’s are attracted to me.
  • Laughing at your own texts before you send them because you are so damn funny.
  • I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.
  • When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
  • Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. 😀
  • Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. 🙂
  • My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. lol
  • If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either 🙂
  • Today’s Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.
  • I am sure I have a defective iPhone, I keep pressing the home button and I’m still at work.
  • A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
  • When a woman says WHAT? Its not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.
  • My bed is always extra comfortable when I need to get out of it in the morning.
  • One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions 🙂
  • I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice 🙂
  • If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
  • If school has taught us anything, it’s texting without looking 🙂
  • I hate people who steal my ideas, before I think of them 🙂
  • All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.

 

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